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In the Grey Light of the Abyss

Of a White Tomorrow

J.D. Night Ghobhadi
27 October 1993
Before friending and/or reading my journal, see this post first.
(NOTE: I don't automatically friend back anymore, primarily because I prefer to keep a small friends list, so if you would like me to friend you back, you have to read AND comment to this entry [where I'll view your profile] before I decide whether I want to friend you back or not. If I don't, it's nothing personal.)

The In-Between Nightmare.Tumblr | JDNight on devinatART | InsaneJournal | The Train At King's Cross (a Harry Potter blog) | Flickr: crimson sage

Conceptual Sketcher | Amateur Photographer | Writer-in-Progress | Genderqueer (personal identity) | Asexual (well, I'm still a little confused/questioning) | Asperger's & OCD (diagnosed) | Racially Human

© Elena Kalis

Birth Name: Like I would tell anyone (yet); it's very boring, extremely ''English''
Official Pseudonym: J.D. Night Ghobhadi[1][2][3][4]
Birthplace: ‘’The In-Between Nightmare’’
Current Residence: ‘’The Moon, Nowhere’’ (Las Vegas, Nevada)
Dream Home:
- Seattle, Washington
- South East England
- Kentish Town, north west London
- Crouch End, north London
- The Netherlands
Citizenship: UK & US
Occupation: ‘’Professional Daydreamer,’’ Unpaid Amateur Photographer, Student Filmmaker & Screenwriter at UNLV
Ethnicity: a mix of English, Irish, French, and German (traced through my paternal genealogy line), Italian and possibly Spanish and Russian/Slavic (through my maternal genealogy line and based on recent research)
Height: 5’1’’
Eye colour: Brown/Hazel
Hair colour: Dark Brown

Not totally accurate, but that's ''online'' for you:

Brain Lateralization Test Results
Right Brain (54%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (58%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain
Are You Right or Left Brained?
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 70%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 62%
Borderline |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Histrionic |||||||||| 34%
Narcissistic |||| 18%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Dependent |||||||||||||| 54%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 62%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

You Are An INTP

The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.

Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.

Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.

A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But you're not an easy person to stay in love with.

Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative.

At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems.

You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded

When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic

''Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.''
- Mother Teresa

''Who knows what true loneliness is—not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory of some illusion.''
- Joseph Conrad

© Paolo Roversi

''I always perceived this world as strange, but no one ever said it was not.''
- Anonymous

''What then is tragedy? In the Elizabethan period it was assumed that a play ending in death was a tragedy, but in recent years we have come to understand that to live on is sometimes more tragic than death.''
- George P. Baker

© Unknown, Source: Tumblr

''We're only wearing black until something darker comes along.''
- Slytherin

''Sarcasm is nature's natural defense against stupidity.''
- Ravencalw

A face that is the definition of pain... and survival. From the 2004 Kurdish film Turtles Can Fly. Screencap Copyright All rights reserved. © 2004 Mij Film Co. (Iran) and IFC Films (USA).

''The drama is a great revealer of life.''
- George P. Baker

''An important lesson to society: I am not a label or a murderer by default but a human being not so very different from the common man yet in every way different... with an illness''.
- J.D.

© Unknown, Source: Tumblr

''Mentally ill would cut themselves; clinically ill or clinically depressed would not hurt themselves and continue to relish in the fact that they can’t feel physical pain (or at least have no reaction to it), and limit their pain to what they feel inside, but nevertheless fail to acknowledge it. That’s why they are detached from both the physical, mental, and even spiritual planes.

The mentally ill, on the other hand, must hurt themselves on the outside to release the tiger within, because it hides in their mentality. It is the only way the insane can survive; it gives them comfort to know that they can at least feel something, and that this sense proves that they can’t possibly be sub-human. If they can feel physical pain, aren’t they more sane than the supposedly sane who treat them robotically and without emotion? Without feeling? In that case, insane are just perfectionists who live in an imperfect world, like Sirius. Then insane is just that.

The word (in-sane), then, has many meanings. It is only one thing in general, however: in-sight to sanity. Like what Sirius said, ‘It lets you see the truth.' Ah, yes. In-sane lets you see the truth with-in sanity.

The in-sane feel the same detachment expressed by either clinically or terminally ill (such as depressives or cancer victims), but they all at least want to react; they want to feel the pain on the outside in order to understand the pain on the inside. It at least gives them comfort to know they can actually feel something. It makes them all the more sane in their eyes as opposed to the eyes of society. This is the ultimate borderline between clinical and mental.''

- dreamsofpaprika, excerpt from Mirror-Blue Night (reprinted with permission)

© Unknown, Source: Tumblr

''The curse of our times is that you are supposed to decide your life at 16 and stick to that.''
- Alan Rickman, Premiere (UK), May 1995

''...[Evanna] read [Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita] after 'becoming annoyed by fashion magazines when they're like, 'Channel your inner Lolita.' I was like, 'Has anyone actually read this book?'''
- Evanna Lynch, Nylon magazine, 12 Oct. 2010

© Unknown, Source: Tumblr

''Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and beholder.''
- Aldous Huxley

© Elena Kalis

1 ‘’J’’ is the initial for Janan (JAH-NAHN), which is Arabic, and means ‘’heart’’ and ‘’soul.’’

2 ‘’D’’ stands for Dalal (DAH-LAHL), which is Arabic, and means ‘’touched in a kind and loving way.’’

3 Night is not a part of my legal name; it stands as a metaphorical representation of my personality (in the way I see fit), and is only a part of my pseudonym (in other words, a ''pen name'').

4 Ghobhadi (GO-BAH-DEE) is originally spelled Ghobadi, without the extra ‘’h’’ between the ‘’b’’ and the ‘’a’’, though I choose to spell it this way to distinguish myself from the Iranian Kurdish film director Bahman Ghobadi (who I absolutely love).

© Elena Kalis

List of Projects (only viewable to friends)
Archive of Editing/Modifying History (only viewable to friends)


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''...Tomorrow never happens, man. It's all the same fucking day, man.''
- Janis Joplin


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